I apologize for my scarcity (Is that a real word?)

«I decided to start my virgin BLOG with some thoughts that I relayed to my friends in my inbox on Yahoo. This then leads into a poem that I wrote. If you read everything, you can see where the poem fits.
Thanks for listening.»

Dear Friends:
This is, of course, forwarded to everyone as a group so if you live clutter free and delete it, that's quite alright. For those work related inboxes, I apologize. Please tell me your limitations so I may correct my lists. For those interested, please read on.
Safiyyah Amina Muhammad-Smith

On July 14, 2006 approximately 5:35 pm, I lost my dear aunt Karen Denise White, of Brooklyn, New York. Her memorial services were held on July 21, 2006. Aunt Karen had succumbed to complications of Lupus, Diabetes, and the most fatal of all...Breast Cancer. Aunt Karen was 54 years young and the youngest child of my paternal granddad and the 6th of 7 for my paternal grandmother; both of whom didn't make it to their 40th birthdays.
I just wanted you all to know. Whether you realize it or not, your prayers and spirit were with me all the way in every little prayer for mankind or the simple thought, "I wonder why Safiyyah hasn't been online lately". So I thank you for that. For the times where I didn't cross your mind, I thank you for not being preoccupied by my plight to take care of your own. Charity does begin at home.

I just wanted to clue you all in on that. I'm fine, I really am. I'm doing very well. I completed a 4 day per week evening class at Essex County College, Sociology 108-Social Problems; I got an "A". The kids were all in summer programs (WHOO HOO!!!) and enjoyed them as I put to rest my over protective armour of limiting their community involvement and childhood enjoyment.

I'm very tired considering I traveled to Brooklyn practically every day to assist my cousin Noni, Aunt Karen's only child, up from Charlotte NC with her 2 daughters, with final arrangements and to help release Aunt Karen's apartment; something I never thought I would be able to do. We grew up close, like sisters, so this was a duty that was incumbent of me and a pleasure to be blessed to be there. Also, I have a summer cold so I haven't been able to perform Wednesday or Friday night Karaoke. NOW THAT REALLY STEAMS ME.

In the meantime, I really am well and in the best of spirits because Aunt Karen and I maintained a constant relationship until the end. She chided me that I better pick her up on time for our yearly family picnic in Hempstead, Long Island. Now isn't that a blip, someone can criticize my tardiness from their death bed. Procrastination and I may be through after this experience.

Anyway, Everyone crossed my mind as I sit here revising school work that I should present as is, "old habits die hard", and cleaning out my in-boxes. (This was typed a while ago-I just decided to post it here.)

Good news is that I have made it to the Dean's List, my oldest turned 20 on 8/7 and he's starting Essex in January. My Binky turns 8 on 8/11. The kids enjoyed summer camp, Itty Bitty is attending a new daycare in September (and MOMs they wear uniforms), Woo and Teet performed in a small musical production in Montclair led by Carla Brothers (from the movie Five Heartbeats) and Gil Prichard (Ain't Mis Behavin', Jelly's Last Jam & The Wiz). My oldest is blessed with a great job and maintains his own place, E (The Spouse) finally had that dream brown wrought iron fence erected around the house that he'd always wanted (Men and their toys) and my Teet appeared as flower girl in my cousin Redd's wedding on 8/13.

God willing, I'll be performing in another Poetry Showcase at Jordan's Red Carpet Restauran in Roselle (my cousin's establishment) on September 30. I'll keep you posted.
Thank you again for your love and support. Here is a poem that I wrote as a result of my plight; one I wrote on the way to the funeral because I was asked to. I wrote another, to be posted later, as self-reflective because I'm just a complex creature that probably sends my therapist to seek therapy.

Please don't Boot-Leg them because if you know me well enough, you should know that I'd seek litigation against the President or my own mother (after she slaps the taste out of my mouth-of course) if my rights have been infringed upon. Thank for bearing with me and caring for me.

As a message: Please discuss your final rights with your families NOW. It's more scary when someone has to determine what you want when you're no longer here to tell them. Also, take care of your bodies and minds and question everything. No doctor is God, they don't know it all. If they can't recognize what you feel or know then move on because all alliances are broken upon death. You don't have to feel guilty when assuring second, third or fourth opinions. Especially if you're insured for it. I do love you in some way, if not just for the sake of the Lord.

As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu,
May God's Peace, Blessings, & Mercy Be Upon You,
Hotep,Shalom, Paz.......that's all the languages I know.
Safiyyah Amina Muhammad-Smith
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Denise 7-21

She contemplates her history with silence
and sullen blank stares.

I reminisce of her guidance, her gentleness,
Her love, her support and her care.

I hear her voice whisper to my soul.
Her bountiful laughter fills the air.

Reluctant of needs she truly deserved,
Her essence she whole-heartedly volunteered.

Yet the sadness in her eyes longed to expose
Life's true desires and hopes and love's fears.

She'd lend her spirit and talents to the world,
Combating social injustice without despair.

Gratification from selfless acts erase pain;
Trade memories of burdens and loss so severe.

She'd say "Eliminate unhealthy discord with quick resolve;
Our days are numbered, keep your consciousness clear."

Monarchs soar where life cycles end and begin again,
The source is in control, so put to rest your jeers.

Oh Protector of faith, Mender of broken souls,
In her absence will true companionship disappear?

Unspoken tears flurry towards our hearts.
We're unaware why heroes and heroines die.

Idle thoughts are treasures not intended for bury.
Brotherhood affords us the right to have a good cry.

Resolve all your sorrows; she's eternally your friend,
A privilege only death can oblige.

In the blink of an eye the soul leaves the earth,
To unite with the TRUTH in the sky.

Copyright © 2006 Safiyyah Amina Muhammad 7/21/06